During the first summer of my sobriety many great things had happened. If you’ve been keeping up you can see that the first six months was a whirlwind of unstoppable happenings that I needed to experience. But none quite like this one have I mentioned yet. The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are designed to help the Alcoholic recover and lead a productive life, to be short, doing the things we should have been doing all along. The 5th step: Admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. This step has sent many a promising new person on a tailspin back into the dark life of alcoholism by just reading the step, as you can see why. No drunk wants to tell his life story! Just the idea of telling the “very nature of our wrongs” can send us over the edge. During or drinking days we had done some pretty horrendous things not only to ourselves, but to others also. So fessing up isn’t a dream come true, if you will.
I was the same way. I took a look at this step and almost turned around and walked out, if it wasn’t for my sponsor stopping me I would have! I was working the steps like I was told and when I got to the 5th step I was actually ready to “let it all out”, for if I didn’t I could be headed back to the bottle and that wasn’t someplace I was willing to go. Now my sponsor, an avid motorcycle enthusiast that he is had made plans to head up to the northern part of Minnesota to buy an old BMW motorcycle. I was kind of excited because I got to go on a road trip, plus I was going to do my 5th step, so I was ready.
Well, let me tell ya that trip didn’t go as planned. Well it did just sometime later and without me. Instead he ended up buying a motorcycle off of E-Bay, destination: Cheyenne, Wyoming! Yup we were headed across country to by a bike. We loaded up into his truck and off we went. Little did I realize we were fixing to embark on one of the most boring trips of my life! We had to go through Nebraska and that in itself was enough to dull the most excited person. 480 miles of absolutely nothing!! Flat lands that’s it! I-80 going through Nebraska is the route we took and I would have much rather sat in my front yard and tried to make mud pies with no mud! The good thing was that my sponsor and I bonded. We talked of times when we were drinking and not drinking. We chatted about high school crushes and the ones that got away. This was good for me because I had never bonded like this with another guy. And before we knew it we were in Wyoming.
We pull into were we were buying the bike and in moments we were loading up the bike and my sponsor was paying the man. Then in an instance he threw me the keys and said “your driving” Now mind you that I had only had my license back a few weeks and my driving was that of one still in drivers ed. I hopped in a started the truck and off we went. Getting onto the high way my sponsor looks at me and says “Well, how about that 5th step?” I thought to myself “You want me to tell my whole life story, while I’m driving your truck, with your motorcycle in the back doing 70 down the highway?” “Really!” So I took a deep breath and began to speak. Every word came flowing out as easy as water over a dam. Every dark cranny of all the dirty little things came to light and I was starting to feel released of years of turmoil right there in the middle of Nebraska! God definitely had his hand on the steering wheel that day because there was a couple times those big trucks came a little close!
Few little times in my life have I felt the way I did that day, and a couple hours later or so I was done. There it was, my life laid bear before the only man I trusted and being exhausted I pulled into the next rest stop. Before we got out of the truck my sponsor prayed over me and told me good job. After a bathroom break and some water we were back on the road, only this time he was driving. I rested my head on the seat and dozed off for a while reflecting over what just happened. One day I’m in a drunk tank in the county jail and the next I’m spilling my guts to someone I barley knew in the middle of Nebraska. But I felt that I had accomplished something and to me, that was all that counts.
One thing that I have learned since coming to the Lord and living the best as I possibly can for Him is He has a way of bring our “past deeds” to the light, in a loving and kind way. And sometimes it can be down right painful, but in the end its all worth it. Never before have I felt like a whole person. That’s the wonderful thing about Jesus is he fills that “hole in the soul” and gives life a new meaning. So let me ask you my friend, Do you have a hole your soul that only Jesus can fill?
Oh what an exciting time it has been walking with the Lord, check back next time and ill tell you about the time my sister brought tears to my eyes.
Thanks for reading!! Be Blessed!
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:6