Slam!!!! That’s the sound of the cell doors shutting when you go to jail. Not the greatest sound in the world, nor is it the quality music you listen to when you’re romancing you’re significant other, but none-the less a damaging sound. When i heard it the last time, i kinda figured i would be their for a bit this time seeing how i had been in that same place 4 or 5 times in a month! Yup, the jail guards even new me by name, not really the place i wanted to be known as a regular at! (by the way, everyone at starbucks know’s me by name, but thats way better than the jail guards!)
Remember i had said it was one of the best weekends ever, well it was also the worst. Ya see things always gets worse than they do better, and by far, at this point, if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, i had all but missed it. That weekend in jail my world fell apart, not that i had much anyways, but what i did have, was gone. I sat on the cold steel bed in my cell for a few minutes trying to figure out who to blame.(don’t we all do that when things fall apart, blame game!!)
I felt empty, no remorse, no feelings, nothing. At this point i kinda figured that this wasn’t normal, so i started to pace back and forth, because, well thats the only thing to do inside the “Day Spa for Criminals” and it flat out sucked! The biggest thing that was coming to my mind was i needed help and didn’t in all reality feel as if i deserved any help. I mean really, i was a 28 year old failure in more ways than one, who would want to help me? Right?
As “lights out” were being called that night i tried to get comfortable on that massive steel bed, it hit me, i knew someone who would help me! Remember that cold night about a year pryor when i called out to God in the middle of the street? “Yes!!” That’s my answer as i stumbled hard to my knees. I got into position and knew what to say. But something strange started to happen, i couldn’t talk! (if anyone who knows me i love to talk!) So i tried again and this time i started crying out of control to the point i thought the guy in the next cell was gonna wake up, and i really didn’t want that because he was a really big dude!
I didn’t even feel worthy of asking God to help because i figured he had better things to do. So i pushed back the tears and said something like this “Lord, if you’re there, i need help”.( I think their was more to it than that, but after seven years or so, honestly, i kinda forgot.) After i said my prayer, which i still do to this day before going to bed, and many times through out the day, i slept like a baby! Yup thats right, on that massive chunk of steel the county likes to call a bed, i slept like a baby. That was the first indication that God cared about me.
If theirs one thing iv’e learned since iv’e been sober is that i do believe God has a soft spot for the drunkards, more than we could ever know thats for sure. And unless were entirely ready to give complete control to Him, all is lost.
OK, so, you kinda get the picture of what im writing about in my blog don’t ya? yes its the story of my life, pryor to the Lord and since this knuckle head came to the Lord. My intentions are just this, to share my experience, strength, and Hope. And i hope that what i write may touch the life of one person, or two, that would be kinda cool also. I don’t claim to be a geru or a prophet, im just sharing the good news,, So if you like it, i hope you check back next time to see whats going on, if not have a bowl of ice cream.
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”-Philippians 1:6