That day in the cemetery was one of great joy, for I had finally came face to face with a hurt that I had avoided for nearly 15 years. I, in a sense, was being healed by the great physician, the King of Kings, Jesus. My emotions had finally settled and no longer felt the strain of being worthless. I could look the world in the eyes and laugh at its silliness and take a hold of Jesus for comfort. That day I knew the meaning of forgiveness. For the Lord had forgiven me, my father had forgiven me, but most importantly I had forgiven myself. You can forgive people all you want, but until you forgive yourself, its meaningless. That day was the day I met the Creator of all things and He, I finally realized, loved me unconditionally.
My first year of sobriety was an amazing one to say the least. I had done and experienced things I never would , if I was still on the bottle. I became a Christian, which is most important, My sponsor and I took a couple of trips, I fell in love (actually come to find out later, it was lust.) I went on another weekend retreat which this time I was a worker, and this time blew me away just like the first. I started to make several amends with family and friends and most importantly my mind and heart were finally being nourished in a positive way. In a sense, I was starting to feel alive,which is only produced by the loving hand of God.
My one year anniversary was approaching and I was humble, excited, and scared. I had never done anything in my life that was good for a whole year so this was by far, new territory for me. Over the past year as I stated earlier, was very special and raw. God did things that first year that you only see in movies. I met allot of wonderful people and developed some wonderful relationships that I still hold onto to this day. What they say is true “good things happen to drunks that stay sober”, and good things were happening, though I felt inadequate sometimes. Coming from a life that only saw negativity, destruction, and sadness, which is what I was accustom to, good things happening were hard to swallow sometimes. So I took it in stride and let the Lord guide and direct me, because I had learned that His way was far better than anything I ever planned.
The day came, November 20th, 2005, one year of sobriety! I woke that morning excited and ready for the day and a little exhausted from all the things that happened over the past couple months, but non the less, very happy. Mom and my sister hugged me like a couple bears hugging a new born cub. My eyes were clear and bright and my mind was focused. I kind of liked this way of living because it was allot less stressful than the way I was doing it before. It was a great feeling not having to worry about the cops knocking on the door or an estranged husband coming to find his wife! So yes, it was quite nice being on the side of doing right, on God’s side, than in the devils play ground any day.
Church that morning was wonderful and exhilarating because the pastor had announced to the whole congregation that it was, in a sense, my birthday. Over 300 people were cheering and praising the Lord for what He had done in my life. “WOW”! is all I could say, because no one had ever cheered for me before, ever! So this was extremely weird, but I soaked it al in and thanked God for such amazing people. That night I settled in with my bible and some ice cream and came across Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Which quite honestly is my favorite verse. Not saying that the whole bible isn’t my favorite but this scripture God gave me. This was my scripture like he wrote it especially for me and I hold it dearly to this day.” I can do all things through Christ” I thought to myself. For before I couldn’t do anything on my own that was of any value. I fell asleep that night with deep gratitude to the Creator of all things, for he saw something in me that no one ever did.
Let me ask you my friend, has life thrown you a curve ball? Have you taken to many beatings by the world that your afraid to try again? Let Jesus breath the breathe of life into you, so you to can do all things who strengthens me.
So next time I’ll be writing about some other events that took place and not so much in any kind of order. These first 20+ post have been in chronological order so you can see first hand how God works in someone’s life. All these events happened as best as I could remember and as honest and from the heart as I can be. But one prayer is that someone reading my story will grab a hold of it and meet Jesus for themselves.
Thanks for reading!!! Be Blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me-Philippians 4:13