Escapades of a Drunk.


This post is dedicated to some funny and down right hysterical stories from the days of chasing the moonlight and loving woman. Now one might ask "how are these stories funny?’ Well, when we sober up and start doing some reflecting on our past existence and start meeting other people that share the same stories that we do, we realize the insanity of our behavior and come to grips that it happened, and all you can do is laugh.

I have been in many meetings over the years listening to alcoholics share some pretty horrendous events from their lives, only to follow up with a room full of laughter. Now, when I first sober up I saw nothing funny about anything I did. But as the years has went by, I too have had some adventures that seem like their right out of a movie.   So I have decided to dedicate a category to the funny things that happened when I was drinking. Once a week I will write a new post to share, that even though life then was a living hell, their were some funny and down right knee slapping events that occurred.

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Even though I wasn’t a martini drinker, (I thought a guy should drink beer or whiskey, that other stuff were for woman) when their was nothing else left, I may have had a couple just to keep the buzz going. If it wasn’t beer or whiskey, heck tequila did the trick on most nights, I wasn’t drinking. On one particular night I went out with some friends that were trying to “hook me up” with a friend of there’s. My only concern for the evening was getting drunk and having sex, period. Seeing how I had the next couple days of off work, I was going all out that night.(plus it was payday!) So the evening was set and I met my friends in a local eatery for dinner and drinks. The girl that I was supposed to meet had to cancel because of family problems. (as I found out later, the girl I was to wine and dine that evening was married, and her family problem was her husband found out about all her other affairs she had had in the past, and to say the least, he wasn’t to happy with her actions and filed for a divorce, the big problem; he was very wealthy and she basically did nothing except spend his money and sleep around)

I wasn’t upset by this because frankly, I didn’t mess around with married woman. That was one rule I had, married woman were of limits. So my friends and I decided to just enjoy the evening and boy did we, before I knew it I was three sheets to the wind and the bartender was calling last call. By this time my friends had left and I was making my moves on another young lady at the bar. But in the end I knew it was time to go home. Not having much sense when I was young, I usually drove home after the bar(how stupid, thank God I didn’t hurt anyone!). So, crooked eyed, I get in the car and head for home. Right before my house was a gas station and I had to stop because I was out of cigarettes and any drunk that smokes, waking up with a hang over without a cigarette was bad news.

As I pulled in I seen the flashing lights behind me and I knew were I was going to spend the next couple of days. As I’m sitting there I realized I was to drunk to move let alone drive, and the cop comes up and knocks on the window. “Sir, I noticed you wee swerving across the yellow line, could you get out of the car?” My response and please don’t ever say this to a cop! “Officer, I’m to drunk to get out, why don’t you get in the passenger seat and take a load off.” Yea, not the best thing to say at 4 o clock in the morning to a cop that has been working his but off all night. And the only reason I remember what I said is because he wrote it down in his files as one of the funniest things ever said to a cop by a drunk!

So, needless to say I spent the next 72 hours in the drunk tank and thanks to my “comment” the whole station was laughing about it the next morning! Now I’m not saying that I’m proud of this by no means, all I am saying that when I look back, it was as you would say “A real knee slapper”! Today I do still do dumb things that make me wonder sometimes if I hadn’t fried all of my brain cells when I was drinking, but the fact is I can laugh about these things now because that was the life of another person. The old Scott. Today I am very grateful to God for pulling me out of that mess I lived in. But the one one thing I have learned is you have to laugh at yourself sometimes to make any sense of things today, and laughter is good for the soul.

Thanks for reading!! Be Blessed!!!!!

Matthew 7:7-8“[Ask, Seek, Knock] “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

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