I Just Want To be Closer.

god lives in yu - treo_062809_002_web

god lives in yu - treo_062809_002_web (Photo credit: kevindean)

  Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. —-John 1:12 

Before I came to the Lord, before Christ took me by the hand and said “Follow me,” my life was that of a dead man walking. Skin and bones, nothing more and nothing less, soulless, heartless, and scared. I drank to get drunk and had sex with as many woman as I could because I couldn’t bear to be alone. This was my life daily, and the weekends just got worse for that meant more drinking and more woman. I was my own worst enemy and in a sense, created my own prison.

With no hope, no love, and no faith, suicide sounded better everyday. Everyday i wanted to stop, but couldn’t, I was out of control and really didn’t care because my thoughts were just this, “I’m hurting no one but myself.” Lonely, depressed, and borderline suicidal made for a great time when you added booze. I was an emotional cocktail just waiting and wanting to be tipped over. The night when I fell in the middle of the street (this is where you go back to my very fist post I wrote) I could really careless if I lived or died, actually I was hoping for a car to come along and end it all, but God had other plans.

I drew close to anyone or anything that would make me feel better because deep down, I hated everything about myself. I was detestable to the man in the mirror and new if something didn’t change, all would be lost. I had a great knack for getting drunk and messing things up, so I figured this was a talent that was useful, so I continued in a life of self-absorbed destruction. Every thing was about me and only me and that’s just the way it was.

7 1/2 years later, I’m still here, and thank God! One thing I have learned is living this life for self is way to hard, It takes so much energy to be selfish and destructive. Living for Christ is a heck of a lot easier, just for the fact he takes care of all my needs. He know’s every hair on my head, all my thoughts and all my ways. He pulled me out of the garden of Satan, and put me at the Kings table. Today, I am a child of the most High, and I have resolved to give the King of all Kings, everything I have. I want to be closer to Him every second I breathe, only to fall to the wayside by the world and every thing evil in it.

All I want to do is draw closer to Christ, walk with Christ, and to talk with Christ, hold His hand in the cool of the day and hold Him and never let go. Today, because Christ died for us, I’m still alive, and how sweet it is!



16 thoughts on “I Just Want To be Closer.

  1. I have been a Christian for 40 years and I am still “snuggling up” to God. I want to be so close that we breath in sync. I want to know Him intimately. I have not always loved Scripture, but I embrace it fully now. It’s how God speaks to me. And I pray His words back to Him daily. Your post was beautifully written. Sandy

  2. It seems Scott apart from the awards you didn’t acknowelage, you don’t welcome our comments either as you never reply now so we won’t bother anymore, as we don’t appreciate rudness.

    Take care God Bless from both of us.

  3. Please delete both these comments Scott and I will do the same on my Blog and we will put it behind us. I thought I had upset you, although I couldn’t work out when, we seem to get on well and I think a lot of you, your road has been a hard one like mine even if we caused some of it ourselves it has been hurtful but wonderfully we have been forgiven and can move on in Love which you do Scott, your messages are very encouraging even if very much to the point..

    Now I know there is no problem it won’t worry me if you don’t reply when we comment, I do understand what busy means and appreciate with work and school your time is limited

    Take care – Christian Love Anne

  4. Scott my life reads something simular to yours even wanting to die and planning it, yes God rescued me too at the last minute and for that I can’t stop thanking Him but I would like to share with you another battle I went through as a redeemed Child of God one that I tried to overcome in the flesh before I gave up and asked help from God , there is detail so it is not short but it is needed.

    After coming to real heart repentance but because of so much conflicting teaching I felt very unsure about what was Truth and so had doubts. One day as I was reading the Scriptures a verse touched my heart, Mark 9:24 some Christians call this a Rhema Scripture, it said… that a man’s son was in need of healing and Jesus asked him do you believe, the man answered yes I believe but please help my unbelief and so I also asked Jesus to help my unbelief with great heart conviction that I needed His help.

    Not long after this, realizing I was very confused because of the conflicting teaching in the Churches and by Theologians and Evangelists even those who had a high profile and yes they all claimed what they believed was True but what some taught was different which means some of them were trusting in their own worldly understanding or what they had been taught instead of God’s Truth. I knew this to be True because The Holy Spirit does not say one thing to one person and something different to someone else when it contradicts and as I knew we are not to agree to disagree but to take our difference to God and He will show us who is in error because we are to have the same focus and to be of one mind and purpose, it confused me greatly because how could they all have the mind of Christ and also be in conflict which was shown by their division, our God is a God of Unity and Truth.

    I prayed to God earnestly for His help again and He gave me another Rhema Scripture James1:5-8… I asked in Trust and Faith knowing I needed God’s wisdom 100% and I have no doubts that I have received it and that my heart is growing in knowledge and insight and will continue to do so as He perfects me in His Love to conform me to the image of His Son. What God has shared with me He has confirmed in His written word by His Living Word but as I said before I’m still learning but I know without a doubt what God has already shown me is His Truth and I don’t doubt it …. Jesus tells us we don’t have because we don’t ask with Faith believing what He says He will do and sadly I found this is very True with many.

    Blog Post – http://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2011/10/10/the-gaining-of-wisdom/

    Christian Love Anne.

  5. This is a wonderful testimony. May God be praised!! I myself grew up Christian but did not give my life to Jesus until 5 years ago. I have my own testimony on my blog.

    I wish you the best in your walk with the Lord!

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