Don’t touch me!

Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment

Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea—- the Lord on high is mighty.–Psalm 93:4

This is a deep post. This post is from my heart, not that all of them aren’t but this one especially because child molestation is something that is pushed under the rug and never spoke of again. It’s an unheard of act committed by soulless people with no respect of the harm they do. I was touched when I was younger, and I’m not going into detail, but just no that it was one of the worst moments of my life. Not once, but twice and this cruel and unusual punishment is embedded in my soul forever. Though I have forgiven the offenders, I understand today that scars remain.

I’ve told of my father passing when I was young, and the wild life that I lived. Since I’ve been a Christian I have gone through the proper treatment for abuse, especially sexual abuse, but this is the first for a blog post. After my father passed I didn’t really have much left to live for and friends I was making were the unruly type. We drank and partied until the sun came up only to wonder what happened the night before. The first time it happened was a childhood friend and the second time was an older cousin, and in both case, I couldn’t feel any lower than dirt, because dirt was clean compared to me.

Imagine if you will, a young man with no feelings, empty, and unsure if life even meant anything. After those things happened to me, that’s exactly how I felt, wanting to cry out, but nothing would come out. Dreams dashed and hopes crushed because of “hands in the wrong places” and all I wanted to do was run into a fire and burn with the leaves from the tree’s. Life is a beautiful gift from God, but when you have been violated in a way unimaginable, that life ceases for the soul reason of shame and regret.

Those days are gone, I have forgiven and moved on because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world, but the scar remains and the story needs to be told. No one has the right to touch another human that way, and know one has the right to hold these things back for so long like I did. I kept those things quiet for years and when it all came to a head, the scene wasn’t pretty, and family was split because I finally came forth and told someone. I wasn’t aware that my pain and hurt would split the family like it did only to be told never to speak of such things again.

I’m grown now with a heart for the lord and I will no longer be SILENT! Sexual abuse isn’t something to be pushed under the rug and hope that it goes away. It’s not a speck in the skin,  it’s a hot knife cutting through butter over and over till you can’t speak or sleep at night. These things happen because we live in a soulless generation with no heart for humanity. I’m not afraid to take a stand anymore and reach out to those who have been assaulted in ways unthinkable to the human mind; ways that can empty your soul and tear your heart and trample your spirit to the ground.

My God is a big God, He saved me from the hell I created to say this; there is HOPE. Please if your reading this now, and are in THAT place, please don’t hold it in. Tell someone, cry out to God for guidance and embrace your testimony, because you never know when you will impact someones life.

Thanks for reading!!!!!

Be Blessed!!!!!!


Peer-pressure, Come at me Bro.

Hollywood Sign

Hollywood Sign (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I look around the society we live in I’m saddened by how many fake and plastic people there are. Every one wants to be someone else, or have something someone else has, so they strive and die trying to get it for the soul purpose they think they’re life means nothing without it. I mean take a look at that anti-Christian, pathetic place called Hollywood, basically if you don’t have what they have, and don’t look like they do, you don’t mean nothing.

If I may I’m going to be transparent, and if you have followed my blog, you guys know that I am real with the things I say. Hollywood is a joke, don’t listen to them. Don’t listen to the non-sense that comes from that place, the garbage they Heep upon people especially our youth. Our youth is more vulnerable to that garbage than ever before and we wonder why theirs so many teens having troubles these days. This past weekend I heard story after story from teens and how hard it is to fit in and be “cool.” I mean don’t get me wrong I feel to the pits of hell because of peer-pressure because I too, wanted to be someone else.

Peer-pressure has been around since the begging don’t get me wrong, from Adam and Eve all the way to Jesus, all were pressured, but Jesus is the only one who didn’t fall into the trap. We are to look upon Him when temptation and peer-pressure comes at us, because neither death nor hell could contain Him. When the curtain split on that dreadful, but beautiful day that meant He was the chosen one, the savior, the God-man known as Jesus Christ.

Now let me pause for a second because this is serious stuff. When this society we live in stops worrying about what other people are doing, stop trying to be someone else, stop being plastic, fake Barbie doll wanna be’s and start respecting ourselves, other people and most importantly start living for Christ, then this thing called peer-pressure will be Satan‘s ratchet man sinking us into a deeper hell than we could imagine. When I say we need to live for Christ, that means everything we have, because the world and everything in it is a dirty place.

Now let me speak to the youth for a moment. Are you in that place? Are you in that place of darkness and despair trying to be someone God never intended you to be? If your friends are trying to get you to do things that are “uncomfortable” or “embarrassing”, please you don’t have to go down that road. You don’t have to walk in the pits of hell like I did to find love and happiness. You don’t have to spend countless hours trying to be, “cool”, or “someone else”.

Remember, the one who lives in you is greater than the one who lives in the world, so you have every authority to tell the devil and his band of peer-pressuring hound dogs “to come at me bro!”    Christ died for you and you are royalty. You have a destiny, claim it, speak it and embrace it, because what God has planned for you, is way better than any of those idiots in Hollywood could ever have for you.

Thanks for reading!!!! Be Blessed!!!!!!!



"Adolescence" (Photo credit: Ko:(char *)hook)

Hello blogging friends!! I haven’t posted in a while because I was getting ready for a Christian weekend for teens called Deco-Tec. I had the opportunity to serve alongside some of the most God fearing teens I have ever seen before. Our theme verse for the weekend was 1Timothy 4:12 “Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example to the believers in life, in speech, in love, in faith, in purity.” And boy did these teens live up to that verse and more!

I was called to give a talk on this weekend and though I have given my testimony before, this time it was different for it was in front of about 55 teens and the Holy Spirit moved in a big way. My talk was entitled “The Singles talk” explaining life of a single Christian man and the struggles. I felt lead though to divide my talk into two different worlds.” Before Christ” and” after Christ.” I was a little hesitant I must admit about giving full detail of the life before Christ, but as I was getting prayed in by the spiritual directors and lay leaders I heard the Holy Spirit say “pour it all out,” and that’s what I did, raw emotion, holding nothing back for God to be revealed in the life of his servant.

Teens these days struggle with everything from suicide, to drug and alcohol abuse, to sexual temptations and actions, all of which I have partaken in at some point in my life. With no hope they act on their emotions or the peer pressure from other teens and in the end realize theirs more to life than just living for the flesh or the desires of the world. If our teens today are our future, they need Godly people in their lives to mentor, love them, and guide them in the ways of Christ, not the world.

One thing I noticed was and it brought tears to my heart is how much pain in teens lives today. You read about, see it on T.V and hear about it from friends, but until you come face to face with it in the lives of teens, that’s when it becomes real and unquestionable with what they face. Their hurts and struggles are as real as it gets and brings tears to my eyes because I have put it off long enough working with teens.

God moved in me this past weekend like a great rushing wave and spoke to my heart speaking these words very clearly “they need you” and more times than not I heard it over the weekend and I have felt it for a long time but I feel that now is the time I started to work with the youth at our church. I feel they need to see the real life example of someone who went to the depths of hell and pulled out by Christ himself. They need to hear that there is hope, and that hope is in Christ.

God and the teens have humbled me over the past weekend because I never really thought my testimony, my story could turn the life of anyone, boy was I wrong! It was a great and humbling experience to be involved with so many wonderful and beautiful teens this weekend, hearing their story, their struggles, and just think, if this was just 50 or so teens that are hurting, that means our jobs as adults are only beginning, because theirs more teens out their in the world with no hope.

Thanks for reading!!! Be Blessed!!!!!!!!!

The teacher is quiet during the test.

          My sister sent this to me on Facebook and it really hit me that God “IS” our teacher, and just because He doesn’t answer, doesn’t mean He’s not listening. We all go through times of difficulty and wonder where God is, at least I know I do, but when it’s all said and done, he was there the whole time. I know when I go through times or “seasons” however you want to call it, I feel very lonely and empty. Ya know, when those prayers seem like their bouncing off the wall and you try, and try to “BE” a Christian, but come up short. Ya, those times kinda sucks.

I must admit there are time’s were I forget I am a student. Not only am I a student in college, but I’m also a student of the Most High. He teaches me everyday, if I let Him. I know when I’m being stubborn and prideful, I don’t want to learn. It’s in these times that I need to learn, but my pride gets in the way, and I miss an opportunity to learn. Now this doesn’t mean it happens all the time, there has been many, many learning experiences in which Christ has taught me a great deal, but those times when I miss it, I look back and say “oh yea, that was a teaching moment.”

When were going through these quit times, when we don’t hear from God for what seems like days, were going through a test of some-sorts. What the test is I guess depends on us and our situation were in. Ya see, God tests us, to see were our heart really is. During the test, will we remain faithful and honest, or do we look for shortcuts, and, well, an easier way?

This is something I’m  meditating on this week as I prepare for this weekend. This weekend I have been called to give my testimony on an all youth Christian weekend called Deco-Tec. The talk I am giving is called the singles talk and its about being single in Christ. I also incorporate my testimony into the talk, and I’m a little nervous because this is the first time I have given my testimony in front of such a large crowd. So prayers are appreciated! I just hope and pray that the words I speak, breathed from God, will make an impact on  at least one teen on this weekend.

Thanks for reading!! Be blessed!!!!


This is a blog from a very dear friend of mine. This post is authored by a friend of his who had the courage to write a little bit about her story of sexual assualt.

Accepting Responsibility

An indispensable part of my acceptance of responsibility is my apology to the victim of my poor choice. An indispensable part of my apology is my acknowledgement of the harm I caused my victim. And I can’t acknowledge the harm I caused unless I know what harm I caused.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. My sense is that most perpetrators have no clue about the nature, the extent and the longevity of the harm they cause those whom they choose to victimize. Perhaps the rest of us are equally clueless when it comes to responding to a friend who’s had the courage to open up to us and disclose. My friend Pauline agreed to guest-blog this piece for me to give voice to victims of sexual violence. And she’s brave enough to let me use her name. I’ve got nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of, she says. Pauline is right of…

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This is were the healing begins.

The main cellblock taken by ghostieguide dec 2...

The main cellblock taken by ghostieguide dec 22 2005 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Broken, tired, beat down from my own prison, I escaped into a world of complete darkness. I was hurting; hurting to the very core of my soul and the only thing that ever made it feel better was the bottle on the floor, or the mistress of the night. Lurking around every corner I searched for these things like a treasure hunter looking for lost treasure at the bottom of the ocean. I was all but forgotten in my little world and I had forgotten myself.

Traveling through bars and alleys, taverns and brothels, I tried to find this one thing, but I was unsure of what this one thing was. In my heart of hearts I knew, but couldn’t admit it, because I had lost all hope, so I figured He had lost hope in me also. Through the darkness and pain, I remain. I remain because He never lost faith in me. He never stopped believing in me and He never stopped loving me. He’s loved me, blessed me, anointed me, and breathed the breath of life into me. His name is like honey on my lips and like a beautiful woman, brings me to my knees.

This is where the healing begins; this is where the broken become whole and the sinners become royalty. When I came to Christ, he unlocked me from my own prison and set me free; free indeed. I no longer chase hallow dreams and whitewashed fantasies because those only lead to misery and despair. The only true freedom a man can know, is the freedom in Christ. Heck, I have met inmates that are freer than those on the outside, why? Because they know Christ.

Ya see, He is the only one that can mend the broken, and heal the sick. He”s jealous for us, loves us, cares for us, and nurtures us. This is where the healing begins, this is where your weakness becomes strength, and you hurt becomes love. He cleans us from the inside out and strengthens us to do extra-ordinary things. The God-man Jesus Christ has set us free, free indeed.

So, if you’re hurting today, or maybe the bottle or the needle has you doing things you wouldn’t do. Maybe its sex, or porn, or unfaithfulness, whatever it is, Christ can heal you. Christ can take those things and forget them as far as the east is to the west, he just ask, “Come, follow me.” Will you?

I had to go to that place, to get to this place.

Christ and the Woman Taken in Adultery

Christ and the Woman Taken in Adultery (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

With eye’s full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed–an accursed brood! 2 Peter 2:14

        While reading this morning this scripture came to me like a thief in the night. It reminds of the times before Christ when I was running the streets and being a whore.( Yes, men can be whore’s too.) It reminded me of all the times I spent chasing after things that never really mattered anyways and in all honestly, could careless about. I chose to live that life because that’s what I felt comfortable doing, I felt safe and wanted in a room full of people who didn’t want me.

         I had eyes full of adultery and I never stopped sinning because it’s what I wanted to do. Deep down, I really wanted to do good, but never knew how until I came to the Lord. The part that really strikes me is “an accursed brood!” and Peter used an exclamation point here for a reason to show the seriousness of it. How many people are out there now that are “an accursed brood?” Something to think about isn’t it?

       The society we live in today is full of ego’s clashing and false humility; false God‘s, unwed pregnancies and homosexuality, heck even the president is a crook. So how are we to live in a society full of greed and hate and such disrespect for one another? Well the answer is to be taken out of this world, not physically, but spiritually. When we come to Christ, we are no longer apart of the world nor do we chase what the world has to offer. Nope, Christ has better things for us. He has treasures in heaven for us and what a privilege it is to be called a “child of God.”

       I can hear the footsteps of my King, I can hear His heart beating and see the things He see’s for he has given me new life, and that my friends cannot be bought.

    Thanks for reading!! be Blessed!!!!!