Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea—- the Lord on high is mighty.–Psalm 93:4
This is a deep post. This post is from my heart, not that all of them aren’t but this one especially because child molestation is something that is pushed under the rug and never spoke of again. It’s an unheard of act committed by soulless people with no respect of the harm they do. I was touched when I was younger, and I’m not going into detail, but just no that it was one of the worst moments of my life. Not once, but twice and this cruel and unusual punishment is embedded in my soul forever. Though I have forgiven the offenders, I understand today that scars remain.
I’ve told of my father passing when I was young, and the wild life that I lived. Since I’ve been a Christian I have gone through the proper treatment for abuse, especially sexual abuse, but this is the first for a blog post. After my father passed I didn’t really have much left to live for and friends I was making were the unruly type. We drank and partied until the sun came up only to wonder what happened the night before. The first time it happened was a childhood friend and the second time was an older cousin, and in both case, I couldn’t feel any lower than dirt, because dirt was clean compared to me.
Imagine if you will, a young man with no feelings, empty, and unsure if life even meant anything. After those things happened to me, that’s exactly how I felt, wanting to cry out, but nothing would come out. Dreams dashed and hopes crushed because of “hands in the wrong places” and all I wanted to do was run into a fire and burn with the leaves from the tree’s. Life is a beautiful gift from God, but when you have been violated in a way unimaginable, that life ceases for the soul reason of shame and regret.
Those days are gone, I have forgiven and moved on because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world, but the scar remains and the story needs to be told. No one has the right to touch another human that way, and know one has the right to hold these things back for so long like I did. I kept those things quiet for years and when it all came to a head, the scene wasn’t pretty, and family was split because I finally came forth and told someone. I wasn’t aware that my pain and hurt would split the family like it did only to be told never to speak of such things again.
I’m grown now with a heart for the lord and I will no longer be SILENT! Sexual abuse isn’t something to be pushed under the rug and hope that it goes away. It’s not a speck in the skin, it’s a hot knife cutting through butter over and over till you can’t speak or sleep at night. These things happen because we live in a soulless generation with no heart for humanity. I’m not afraid to take a stand anymore and reach out to those who have been assaulted in ways unthinkable to the human mind; ways that can empty your soul and tear your heart and trample your spirit to the ground.
My God is a big God, He saved me from the hell I created to say this; there is HOPE. Please if your reading this now, and are in THAT place, please don’t hold it in. Tell someone, cry out to God for guidance and embrace your testimony, because you never know when you will impact someones life.
Thanks for reading!!!!!
- Bowen Island man jailed for sexual abuse (theprovince.com)
- In Child Sexual Abuse, Strangers Aren’t the Greatest Danger, Experts Say (cherished79.wordpress.com)
- Molestation (bagheeranavigon.wordpress.com)
- Child Sexual Abuse : Spread the WORD!!! (revolutionbytheyouth.wordpress.com)